If you’re anything like me, and I hope you’re not, then the thought of having to land a literary agent can provoke any number of responses. These include, but are not limited to:
Sobbing uncontrollably while cursing the gods for being born a writer.
Checking Facebook. Then Twitter. Then your email. Then your texts. Then Facebook again.
Considering whether magic or the law of attraction can be used to get you an agent without any bit of effort on your part.
Hopefully, you’ll eventually come to your senses and scrap these less-than-useful approaches. But what then?
It Starts With A Book
$9.90 and Internet access. That’s all it takes to move your literary career forward and begin querying agents…
Of course, we’re writers, so having $9.90 and Internet access isn’t a guarantee.
Oh yeah, one other thing, you’ll need a completed manuscript (if you’re a fiction writer) or a pitch for a workable idea (if you’re a non-fiction writer).
Not too much to ask, right?
For $9.90, you can purchase the E-book version of the Writer’s Market 2018 from Google Play. This book contains a comprehensive list of literary agencies that work with authors of all types, from middle grade fantasy authors to romance novelists and anything in-between.
And the best part, the Writer’s Market tells you exactly what types of books these agencies are looking for, eliminating any guesswork on your part.
Follow Those Submission Guidelines
Once you find an agency that works within your form and genre, all you have to do is visit their website.
Well, that’s not ALL you have to do. But it’s still pretty easy – trust me!
Different agencies, and agents within the agencies, will have different submission guidelines. Please please please follow those guidelines. Agents, like editors and publishers, will curse you and the next ten generations of your family if you don’t follow submission guidelines to a T.
How do I know that they’ll curse you and the next ten generations of your family? Well, after all, I am the co-founder and an editor at Beautiful Losers, a super cool literary magazine which you should totally check out. (Yes, this is a shameless plug!)
Oh wait. About the cursing thing. That’s probably just me. I should get some help for that.
But seriously, follow those guidelines. You want to be seen as a professional, don’t you?
Many Agencies Have Multiple Agents
So it’s on you to find the agent that’s the best match for your manuscript.
Yes, it’s on you. No pressure…
Okay. Deep breaths. Try some more. Back with me?
The good news is that almost every agency has summaries of the literary interests of their agents. Find the agent that’s the closest match for the genre, style, and age target of your manuscript. If you’ve written a darkly comic picture book, don’t query an agent that specializes in upmarket women’s fiction.
That is, unless you like wasting people’s time. If that’s the case, you’re most likely a horrible person that would be awfully fun to hit the bars and make some poor life decisions with.
But you’re used to making poor life decisions already, right? After all, you chose to become a writer.
Don’t hate me! I jest because I’m from Brooklyn. The sarcasm is love. Really!
But Wait, There’s More
And more. Much more!
And I promise I’ll tell you all about how to navigate through it soon.
But first I need some sleep.
Yes, you horrible person who likes to waste agents’ time, you may be fun to hit the bars with, but it’s only a little after 10 pm and I’m calling it a night.
I may or may not be a horrible person, but clearly it’s safe to assume I’m not much fun to hit the bars with.
Blah Blah Blah
If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading (you may want to get your mental health checked!)
If you’re a long-time reader of this blog, you may have noticed this post is very different from what you’re used to seeing here. I still want to provide helpful advice for aspiring and emerging writers, but the professorial tone is gone. You see, I’ve recently discovered that I’m actually not Ben Stein’s character from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Shocking, right?
If you found this post entertaining or informative, please do me a solid and like and subscribe. If you’re really looking for a way to get on my good side, try sharing this post on social media!
If you have any questions about landing an agent, just leave me a comment and I’ll do my best to shoot a helpful answer your way.
If you have any funny stories about landing an agent, you can share those in the comments too. The more absurd the better! To quote the late Hunter S. Thompson, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
Fighting the good fight just like you,